32

This month is my birth month. Some people have birthdays, others birth weeks, but I have a birth month, because why not? For some reason the age of 32 has caused me to be rather reflective. Since I'm stuck in a chair with the most perfect little baby sleeping in my arms after an entire week of horrible naps, it seems like a good time to try to create some order of my reflective thinking.

I've been thinking a lot about my 20's. I'm proud of my 20's in a lot of ways. I accomplished a lot of goals and had a lot of fun with only a few regrets on the side. One of my friends described 20's as being so great because it is a decade of firsts, which is true in a lot of ways. As I've been thinking about my 20's I have dubbed it "The Decade of Love." I think I know what you are thinking, "That's so sweet, because you found your love, Danny, in your 20's." Yes, Danny coming into my life is part of The Decade of Love, but that is just a piece of the 20's pie. After the tumultuous teen years, my 20's taught me to better love myself. My mission taught me to love others so different from me and view them with my very small human understanding of God's love. I also learned to love the gospel. It is seriously so fascinating. Through college courses, roommates and friends I was given opportunities to find out what I really love to do hobby and interest-wise. Dating and relationships taught me what I was looking for in my other half and what love was and what it wasn't. I met some of my dearest friends in my 20's, whom I love and am so grateful for. I found my love in the kind heart of Danny. Marriage has taught me that love is standing by someone when things are hard and thick and unknown. However, love is also being your true, silly, nerdy selves with each other and not feeling insecure or self-conscious. I love that part of our love. Going through mounds of infertility treatments to meet a little one I ached for in my heart. That was a test of love. So much love and so many forms of it. Thanks 20's.

Now with my age ticking upward to 32, I've been wondering what is my decade of 30's going to be? I was on a walk with my friend and as we pushed our baby strollers, I lamented to her that I wasn't on the fringe of my 30's anymore, just edging into this new decade like I was when I was 30 or 31. I was now full-fledged in my 30's. She laughed at me and told me that wasn't a bad thing. I thought about what I have done so far in my 30's and I have come to the conclusion that my 30's will be The Decade of Courage. So far in my 30's, I've had a baby. I can't think of anything more courageous than bringing a child into this world and I'm not talking about labor and delivery, though that was intense. Raising this little human to be kind, thoughtful, faithful and true to himself is going to take some guts. We also have bought a house, which took definite courage. I chose to end my full time career to stay home with my boy. Choosing to end what was familiar and to live on one income has been one of the scariest choices I have made, but for me, it felt right and what I should do. I'm also trying out some lifelong goals of mine, that if things work out, I'll tell you about it. I feel I've been living my life according to fear for so long. I'm not saying that fear isn't going to pop up from time to time. I don't think being courageous is not having fear. But my goal is to purposely choose to move forward, say what I think (respectfully), be ok with the person that I am instead of fear dictating my responses and actions. So welcome 30's, my decade of courage. I've been standing on the edge, dipping my toe in your waters, but I'm ready to dive in a take a swim.

Thinking of what to wish for...